I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Randomize
