I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Floor bacon is actually really good
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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