Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
