everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
