Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
