sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
