i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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