I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
