Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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