just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
