your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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