she woke up with a sticky ear
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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