My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
fuck your aforementioned shoe
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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