Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
