We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
