so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
