You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
