in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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