On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
