i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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