party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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