I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
