Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Come share oat with me in your robe
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
