I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
