I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
