So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
