there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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