hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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