Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
