Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
