So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Im part way to drunk.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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