the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
