So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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