happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
