cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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