WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
