i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
