Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
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I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
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I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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