Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.