I accidentally had phone sex last night
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
