i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.