how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
you are never too drunk for berry picking
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.