from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
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There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep