is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol