K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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