So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
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It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
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We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday