We got so high we made milksteak
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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