In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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