Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
