I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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