did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
