I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
