Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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