...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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