This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
