just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
