Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
