It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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