I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
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it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
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Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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