You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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