Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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