He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
