How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
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