You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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